Last night my wife and I went out and had drinks with her friend and her friend’s new boyfriend. The boyfriend was a Canadian. Normally if I meet someone from a different country, I am somewhat intrigued and like to ask questions and learn about their experiences and culture. But, come on. This was Canada. Aren't they just like us, just less important? He was on the liberal side, and made a few typical America-hating comments that are common for liberals to make, regardless of nationality, and I let slide something to the effect of “when was the last time Canada was relevant for anything other than giving us Bryan Adams and for having a health care system that everyone can afford but that nobody wants to use?” To my surprise his Canadian pride swelled up, and he proceeded to give me a quick primer on Canada’s contributions to the world, ending it with “that’s a typical Texan attitude.” (I especially enjoyed when he got to Canada’s military accomplishments, and he had to reach back to World War I.)
I’ve got nothing against Canada, our northern neighbor and its people are the most like us, just friendlier. I’ve enjoyed visits to Prince Edward Island and Toronto. But there is a long tradition of jesting (even among Canadians) regarding Canada’s relative insignificance in world affairs (South Park, ‘Canadian Bacon’, and so forth). Canadians are not angry people, so I had no fear of him starting a Canadian Jihad or anything. Sure enough, he quickly cooled down and he became the polite and witty Canadian that I would expect, and we had a lovely evening. I especially enjoyed our in depth conversation regarding Canadian rock bands (from The Tragically Hip to Neil Young), as my wife and her friend’s eyes glazed over. The guy was interesting, he had been a music writer and DJ in Halifax, Nova Scotia for awhile. We smoked cigars and talked all things Canada, and promised to get together soon and hang out some more, so all is good.
In honor of my new Canadian friend, I decided to investigate further, and here are some interesting Canadian facts:
• Not to be outdone by USA For Africa’s “We Are the World” and Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” (Britain), Canada’s music elite got together and recorded “Tears Are Not Enough” under the moniker Northern Lights to do their part to save Ethiopia in the mid-80’s. The song is tucked away on the second side of the USA For Africa album. Such Canadian music greats as Bryan Adams, Corey Hart, Geddy Lee, Gordon Lightfoot and Mike Reno (of Loverboy) gave their estimable talents to the project. John Candy, Eugene Levy and Paul Shaffer were amongst the chorus singers. Below: Canada's finest entertainers gather as Northern Lights to tell us that "Tears Are Not Enough" to feed starving Ethiopians.
• It is illegal in Canada to pay for any item 26 cents or more in all pennies.
• Canadians have a life expectancy 2-3 years longer than Americans
• The games of basketball and hockey were invented in Canada, and the baseball glove was also first designed in Canada
• According to the UN, Canada has the highest quality of life in the world
So, I salute our Canadian neighbors and celebrate our longstanding friendship with them. But…
Our relations are not all peaches and cream. At times there are Canadian/U.S. tensions. What follows is an actual radio exchange between the Canadian and U.S. militaries off of Newfoundland in 1995:
CANADIANS:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS:
Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS:
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS:
This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS:
No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS:
This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. The second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north...
I say again...That's one-five degrees north.... or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship!
CANADIANS:
We are a lighthouse. Your call.
7 comments:
Oh, Dez, Dez. This post makes me sad, because I wouldn't think that you would resort to this kind of low-brow e-mail based tomfoolery. Of course, that's not an "actual" radio exchange! Any e-mail that has been forwarded 9 million times over the past ten years is hardly ever "actual":
http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp
If you start sending me videos of the scary "gnome" in South America, or warnings that the artificial sweetener Aspartame is responsible for an epidemic of diseases, then I am going to have to sever all ties that I currently have with this blog.
Or, I could just give you my mom's e-mail address. She seems to have no problem sending and receiving hundreds of forwarded e-mails each day.
It is you who are mistaken. I thoroughly researched this in the U.S. Navy Archives after submitting a Freedom of Information request, and I found this exact exchange. It is FACT. It was on the internet.
Or in the words of David St. Hubbins, "I believe everything I read."
I have heard that exchange many times, with different parties inserted.
Basketball was not invented in canada. It was invented by a canadian well after he was a resident of the US
Clearly, the only thing that you can categorically say about Canadians is that they are liars.
Dez, just out of curiosity, what American military accomplishments since WWII are you especially proud of?
Shut up, Johannes.
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