Stripper Poles and Water Cops

ABOVE: Dez slides backwards, head first off the second tier of the Party Barge

How was your Memorial Day weekend? My friend Tim over at ANCIANT apparently did battle with mammoth fleas. My wife and I went up to Dallas to hang with some of her friends. A particularly colorful friend of my wife's who shall remain nameless (we'll call her Melissa) invited us up for her third annual Party Barge Extravaganva out on the lake. She rented a party barge and invited about 50 of her closest friends, and we loaded the barge with booze and food and set out on the water.

On this lake there is an area called Party Cove, which is where boats of all sizes anchor and people swim or ride jetskis from boat to boat to, I guess, party. Much partying did occur. I had a good time jumping off the second tier of the barge into the water, over and over again. I got to chat with many friendly people, including many lawyer types. I got to watch a smooth talking Asian dude from Australia hit on my wife. He was friendly, though, so I didn't mind. One of the attorneys in our party brought his very attractive stripper girlfriend aboard. She promised a show, but unfortunately became too intoxicated to perform and her sugar daddy whisked her away on another boat before she went too far. But isn't that her job in the first place?

Things got quite exciting as ominous dark clouds approached on the horizon, and as the downpour started I was lying semi-conscious in a small raft attached to the barge by a rope. When rain and wind hit, I discovered that it becomes much more difficult to swim. But I was saved.

I didn't see how it all started, but at one point I noticed about five water cops on our barge arresting one of my fellow revellers. Balsy, since this was a barge full of attorneys. He allegedly poured beer on the head of one of the officers from the second floor of the barge as the cop boat was idling alongside the barge. Bad move.

Once we docked after 8 hours on the water, a small boat carrying some of our group had been pulled over and the driver was arrested for BWI. One of the other gentleman on the boat got upset and the officers arrested him too. That was interesting to watch, as it took three cops and two cans of mace to take our man down. He is a marine, though, so that made sense. Semper Fi.

The most fun was had on the ride back from the lake. Melissa had rented us all a big bus for the hour long trip. This bus was clearly a bachelor party bus, as it had a wonderful stripper pole right in the middle with flashing lights and everything. I enjoyed watching many drunken girls in bathing suits in our party try the pole out on the way home to "Paradise City" and "Pour Some Sugar On Me". Gotta love the 80's. But, as the wonderful good times of the day came to an end, I couldn't help but be disappointed as I wondered what the true professional who was with us earlier in the day could have done with that pole. Sigh.

Oh, god save our troops. That's what Memorial Day's all about.