40

I recently turned 40. Since that is generally considered the approximate halfway point until oblivion, I guess it is a big deal. People treat it that way, anyway. At least it is a time to reflect both on what has transpired and on what may come.

First of all, I am so glad that my teen years were the 80's and early 90's. I know that people who experienced the 60's feel privileged, but I feel that way about the 80's. Great music, wonderful excess, Reagan optimism, Atari 2600. My students get jealous. The 80's have a certain cool factor these days, again, akin to when I was growing up in the 80's and everyone loved the 60's. So many of my students tell me that they wished they could have grown up in that decade, perhaps I've got an extra spring in my step when I cover it in class, I don't know. I'm surprised at how much my students know about the 80's. I've got a fun activity I do one day in class where, after they have read the chapter but before I cover it, I give each student ten blank notecards. I tell them they have to capture the "essence" of the 80's by making ten flashcards. They can include politics, pop culture, economics, world events, technology...just capture the decade picking ten things to discuss. As they are making them, I play my 80's mix on the ipod, just to get them in the mood. These kids love Tears For Fears, 80's Michael Jackson, The Cars. All of it. (For me, Tears For Fears' "Everybody Wants To Rule the World" captures the decade more than any other song...it should be the 1980's anthem). Year after year it is a favorite activity, and I am always so impressed with their knowledge of a decade that passed before they were born. I get a lot of John Hughes movies, video games, Reaganomics, SDI, when MTV was cool, etc. When I want to go to my happy place, I think about summers in the mid-80's.

I have been blessed with wonderful family, both the one I was born into and the one that I have made for myself. To start with the former. Being someone a bit obsessed with the past (it is my profession, afterall), I regret not having the chance to speak with my grandparents and ask them about their experiences. I never really knew my Dad's parents, they died when I was small. I do remember my Mom's parents, especially her father. Wonderful memories, but I was too young (elementary and middle school) when they died to have really gotten to know them on adult terms. It's a shame. Something that I would highly recommend doing is preserving the memories of your loved ones. A few years back, I conducted, recorded and transcribed detailed interviews with my father, mother and uncle. Fantastic, and 30 years from now I am sure my kids will love reading them if they are anything like I am about the past.

My three brothers (one is deceased) and sister have been my favorite people. They are all about ten years older than me (they're all half, both of my parents were married before), so growing up they were really the people I looked up to the most. My brothers, well two of the three anyway, were models that I used to try to emulate, impress and just be around as much as I could. (I also have fond memories of my other brother too, as many troubles as he had, I remember him playing with me a lot and taking me places. He had serious problems, but underneath it all, he was great and I had a lot of fun with him). But honestly, my closest relationship through most of my life has always been my sister. She was a big part of my growing up (she had a lot of time to spend with me, because she was always getting in trouble and was always grounded). She is still the person I can talk the most openly with, I think. One of my biggest consistent regrets is that I see them once or twice a year instead of once or twice a week. (I get annoyed sometimes with how my wife talks to her mother and brother 500 times a day on the phone, but part of that too, I suspect, is jealousy. I am close with my siblings and parents, but we don't talk nearly as much nowadays as I would like, and in my more reasonable moments, I see that is a special thing that my wife can communicate daily with her mom and brother). I have also been blessed with wonderful parents. Being one now, I know how tough it is sometimes, and I've only just begun. They made mistakes, as I have and will continue to do, but not many. What impressed me the most was that even though they had their own stresses in life and possibly rough patches in the marriage, they never let that bleed over into my experience growing up with them. That is a skill I am more and more impressed with as time goes on.

Marriage is tough sometimes. I think that many of my natural tendencies lend themselves more to bachelorhood, sometimes. I can be a solitary creature at times. But there is no person on the planet I would rather go through life with than my wife. She is beautiful and still amazes me consistently. But I've got to say, and she would agree because we have talked about it, my true love in life is my daughter, DDI. I feel like I have failed at certain things in life (like a law career), but I know I am an excellent father and I work hard at that every day of my life. That sounds so cliche, I know, but she is the world to me (and she knows it and like most kids do, takes advantage of that when she can). I am excited about my new daughter, DDII, and I anticipate developing a unique and special relationship with her as well. Right now she is just a really cute thing that makes sounds and sleeps, but I can't wait to see her develop her personality and to be a part of that.

They say you can't pick your family, but you do pick your friends. Friends are a second family that we create for ourselves. One of my best friends, a wise Greek, who often regales me with life truths because that is what those Mediterranean types do, once told me that as time goes by and you get older, you only take a handful of friends along with you into old age. And those are the ones who are your true friends. You pick up friends through each stage of life (youth, high school, college, grad school, working life). You develop bonds and meet great people at each stage, but the Greek, as usual, is right. Look at who you still talk to, say, a decade removed from that time. Those are the ones that matter. Then two decades removed. Those are the ones that really matter. Two of my closest friends are coming in from out of town to celebrate my recent birthday with me, I cannot wait to see them and I can say that I have chosen wisely the ones I want to take with me to the end.

We've all got our interests. When I said that some of my tendencies might be more suited to bachelorhood, it is probably because I get more obsessive than most about my interests. Sh*t, look at these ridiculous Record Guides that I write for a blog that three people read. I mean, who does that? I do. It is a source of exasperation for my long suffering wife that I can sit down for hours on end and analyze the works of Men At Work and be completely content. Music, movies and history...obsessions I have always had. It is just something I've always done, I can remember days of my youth where I would be perfectly content to lie down in front of the speaker of the stereo and listen to record after record after record. By myself for hours and it was heaven. I remember when going to rock concerts was a life event. Nowadays it is not as big of a deal, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss that feeling sometimes, that going to see Springsteen was the most significant thing in the world. I can still watch "Jaws" for the 1,039th time and get a thrill. And I am a collector. If there is a band that I get into, it becomes imperative that I track down every record they made. I can become very agitated and stressed if I do not own the complete works of whomever. As frustrated as she gets, I will be forever grateful to my wife for her patience and indulgence. I know that it/I can often verge on the ridiculous.

Finally, a word or two for those who have passed. Longtime readers here know that I enjoy writing obituaries. It is not really a morbid thing, I just find it fascinating to try and capture a life in a few paragraphs. It's funny, my father, who reads GNABB regularly but only occasionally comments, recently told me that he wants me to compose his obituary when the time comes. It'll be an honor, but I found that funny, because he especially enjoys my obits here for some reason. Hopefully I won't have to write that one for awhile yet. I view it as a way to honor the person, honor the accomplishments and to say how they have enriched my life. Be it an artist or famous person whom I never knew personally yet still had a connection with through their work, or someone whom I did know on a personal level. Even pets. So goodbye once a again to Cliff, Maurice, Bunny, Toby, and the many others, both personal and artistic, who have enriched my 40 years.

Thanks for reading and letting me remember the last 40 years. In a recent post on his blog, ANCIANT made a comment about blogs being self indulgent and tools for forcing your silly opinions on others (I'm paraphrasing, as usual he writes it better, as that is his profession). I agree with him, I often feel somewhat ridiculous that I think my opinion matters so much that I can write six years and counting worth of posts and anyone would care. And perhaps this post is the ultimate self-indulgence. But I have loved having this forum over the last six years. Honestly, other than allowing me to write about sh*t that I find interesting, which is a true joy, the main blessing of this blog has been allowing me to keep in touch with friends. I appreciate everyone who still comes around, either regularly or occasionally. ANCIANT and JMW (who talked me into starting GNABB, I wonder if he regrets?) especially have been regular and loyal readers and commenters. I do love the comments, my hope with every post is to start a conversation. I am like a little kid, I check back all the time to see if someone has commented or tried to continue the conversation, either agreeing or disagreeing with me. It's like a child who doesn't get what he wanted for Christmas when I check and it says "no comments." What the f*ck! This is important stuff!! All of it!!! That is what I really see this place as, a place for conversation, debate and exchange of ideas. So I am puzzled when a Grateful Dead record guide is met by the sound of crickets. (I'm joking. I am self-aware. I know my record guides are absurd, but I can't help myself). But I do value and love the comments and conversations we have here occasionally. It is one of the main reasons I keep doing it, I can have regular conversations with dear friends on the East and West Coast, as well as everyone else who drops in here and there. Plus the self indulgence. There is always that.